Almost Spring revisited

a song you will never hear

I made a song. One you will never hear. Only a few people have heard it. If not for proximity and my need to know it was done well they would not have heard it. It’s not the greatest song ever made. There are no words. Only a guitar. It’s not extraordinary in any way. But it made the subject feel special. And that feels good. But you will never hear it, because it’s not for you.

Other than that, I’m alive. At least you now know that much. I hope you’re all doing well.

so much of nothing

That’s what I have on my hands. Nothing. I guess I could talk about the girl I was talking to who invited me out to a bar. Sort of. She was there to see a band and I had a general invitation of it being cool if I came out to see them as well. So I did. And failure ensued. The bands were good, though. King Sonic and Dead City Rejects.

I suppose I could talk about how a woman came to the deli yesterday and made me blush with a smile. She was that beautiful.

I could talk about so many small things that seem to happen, but I won’t bore you guys. Life is standing still even moreso since I lost my job. Working two jobs left little room for anything else, so maybe things that happened in between working hours seemed more significant. Or maybe I just don’t fucking care anymore. Much as I don’t want to work two jobs again, I have no choice. It’s already been too long.

The real issue is, why can’t I just have one job and be fine? Followed by, when did we get a new dashboard for WordPress?

almost spring

i’m alright

Yeah yeah. Lack of life = lack of blog. Not that there was much interesting in the first place. Now it’s just even less interesting than ever. I can’t day I have anything exciting, except that today my druid hit level 45. Exciting times? No, cause I’m still behind Dan, Josy, and Moxy(used here, because I’ve referenced her as this before). Go figure. I did cause an insane wipe yesterday for us. When I fail, I fail completely and utterly. None of this half ass ‘almost’ bullshit.

My son played soccer for his first time yesterday. I didn’t think I’d get into it. I didn’t think I’d cheer. I didn’t think I’d be that kind of dad. I was wrong. I’m not into sports at all, so it seemed I would show up and support and not much else. Today I’m thinking about seeing if I can be a coach or something. I don’t know a lot about the games he will play, but at his age it’s more about fundamentals. He wasn’t as pleased as I was, though. I think he was scared of the ball, or the players kicking it around. There’s a difference in kicking a ball back and forth with me and trying to play an actual game. So he stood there, hands playing with the strings on his soccer shorts, looking completely confused. So I tried to help him.

I stood up, walked over near him, and tried to get him excited and ready to have fun. It didn’t really work, but I had to at least try to get him to have fun. That’s all I’m concerned about is him having fun right now. I told him ‘Just have fun. It’s probably more fun to run and try to kick the ball.’ He agreed, and made an attempt to steal the ball back. I cheered and clapped and all that fun stuff. The Ex, however, seemed more irritated at me. I imagine the mood of her BF (downgraded and still falling, though I’m not sure he realizes it) didn’t help, as he was rather dull, unemotional, and seemed to not really want to be there. Perhaps I’m wrong on that, though. Maybe it was the unexpectedly cold day, or the slight rain, or my own presence. Or all of the above. All I know is the guy’s a right stick in the mud.

Now I just need to learnt eh names of the kids on his team so I can stop yelling ‘Go kid whose name I don’t know!’ and ‘Great job, *coughing*!’ Will probably have much more impact then.

been a while

Seriously neglect this thing when I’m not at work in the morning, don’t I? Nothing has really changed here yet. Still only one job, have finally moved, and broke things off with Christy. All in just a few days, too. Grateful there weren’t feelings to hurt, though.

In other news of dadness, we have  recliner. By we I mean Sasquatch did, and now that we’re roommates I do as well. Last night I was sitting in it, and my son jumped up there with me. He sat in my lap for a while, but then wanted me to scoot over so we could share it. That’s exactly what I used to do with my dad. We would sit and watch Three Stooges or whatever, squeezed into that tiny chair, until I was too big to do that anymore. It made me smile and feel like a dad. I know it’s probably weird, but sometimes I feel like the cool uncle or something because we don’t get much time together. Like I’m just some guy, though I know the truth of things. But these moments make me feel it more than any other.

In other news, my son is confused by morning wood. He woke me up and told me his penis was standing up, and he couldn’t make it go down. There are times it takes everything I have not to laugh, and this was one of them. He’s five. Is he even old enough for that? At any rate, he must have gotten over it before we made pancakes.

Two days ago we flew a kite.

steamboy lives

Not really based off or inspired by the film Steamboy. I just have an interesting way of titling things… I hope.

fired

I was fired from VMS today. While the anger and fear are nearly overwhelming, I also can’t help but to feel freed. How long that feeling lasts, I couldn’t say, but I can say I’m seeing Kroger as a blessing in disguise at the moment. I already talked to Mark, and I can get 40 hours starting next week. Much as I dread that it’s more than a lot of people can say when they get fired. I will seek unemployment benefits, and have already approached a staffing agency.

Maybe this is the momentum I need. I can only hope so, but I also know hope is dangerous.

harlot, whore, call girl, prostitute

They’re all the same fucking thing. Interchangable in a sentence without causing loss of meaning. Apparently when I use it it takes on new meaning. It becomes editorializing at work, and I am punished, though they insist there is no punishment. Putting on final notice so I have a higher chance of being fired is NOT punishment? I may not be a genius, but I’m not stupid.

I was not editorializing in that story only changing out words. You must have intent to do that, which did not exist. You have to really care, which I do not. I only said harlot when call girl or prostitute would have fit just as easily. To make matters worse, I cannot defend myself from this. I cannot let them know I don’t care enough to editorialize, I just chose a different word because I was bored with the story. I do not care if the woman is a good one or bad one.

So because I used harlot instead of prostitute I am as close as one can be to losing my job. And people wonder why I don’t find the silver lining. This stuff always happens. I’m optimistic about the future for the first time in a long time. I’m somewhat happy. But I could lose my job, and everything. All because some stupid chick thinks harlot is worse than prostitute, because if she thinks that was editorializing then she’s stupid anyways.

music of the moment

Japanese emo bands > American emo bands
Asian Kung-Fu Generation - After Dark