h1

hanging out, but really waiting

August 22, 2008

That’s pretty much the story of my life right now. Hanging out. Not really, hanging out so much as waiting. I have a plan, oh yes, I do. But a big part of most of my plans is the waiting. They are like this:

1. Formulate plan.
2. Wait.
3. ????

Usually they don’t happen, perhaps because waiting is a factor. I wait for the bus. I wait for work to end. I wait for phone calls (some of which do not come). I wait for pay day. Wait wait wait. Is this normal? In a pinch I can be the man of action. When a car is on fire, or someone has a seizure I’m the first one to do something, but outstide of extreme circmsances I wait for… I don’t even know what I’m waiting for. Well, that’s not true. I know small things, but I get the feeling I’m waiting for something bigger but I don’t know what it is yet.

I’m waiting for her, and she knows it. I wait to see her smile, hear her laugh, taste her lips, and hold her hand. Some days it’s near unbearable, consuming my thoughts.

I’m waiting for my money to catch up so I can make progress.

I’m waiting for the next great day.

I’m waiting for the next bad day.

I’m waiting for my son to go to bed as five one day and wake up 15 the next. I’m also waiting for puberty to make him hate me.

I’m waiting for The Ex to finally get it.

I’m waiting for my life to end, though I’m not in any rush to discover possible oblivion or damnation. I even had a whole post planned out on the impossibility to conceieve the idea of nothingness. Then I had a panic attack and gave up.

I’m waiting for my guild on World of Warcraft to catch up so we can raid.

I ask again, is this just me?

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