July 18, 2008

Maybe it’s just me slipping, tripping, stumbling, faltering a little, but I feel alone today. I have all week, mostly. I hada panic attack a few days back about the usual. I’ve just felt lonely. I know why, it’s because I’m a paranoid idiot. Love is sick today, enough even to stay home from work which is something she’s adamantly against. I didn’t find out until after I got a little hurt by unreturned texts, lack of AIM communication, and a general feeling of “You’re not important” due to her preoccupation with relatives in town. I know it’s not true, but it doesn’t help when you miss someone, really.

The Ex’s comments yesterday don’t really help. Again, I know she didn’t mean to hurt, or at least I don’t think she did, but it cut me deep. Feeding on my own fears and paranoia it struck me hard. “Do you wonder why she’d want to be with you when you have no car or money?” As if I don’t feel bad enough about any of that already, ya? Please, cast that doubt in my mind. Then again, if she was only with me for the sex that would say something of my ability as well, wouldn’t it.

So that’s why I’m here actually blogging for once. Because I’m a wee bit depressed. I’m broke again, though it was for a noble cause and I haven’t seen my girlfriend in a week or so. Barely even talked with her. So I’m in the dumps a little. I will be fine, but it still sucks for the moment. I had Plans for the week that didn’t materialize. But that’s okay.

And so am I.


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