and here we are

June 19, 2008

Again with the radio silence. Sorry about that. I can only write about Love enough to make you sick, since I’d hate to kill you with all that disgustingly girly talk about the splendors of being in love. Suffice to say I still am with and in love with Love. There’s really nothing more to say. My life is in a shambles at the moment, except for Love. And she is trying to help as best she can, through encouragement, direct action, and a little bit of voodoo.

I said before that LA was everything I didn’t know I wanted in a woman. Love is everything I want, and quite possibly need in a woman. If you were to skip over to my writing blog (specifically here) you can see this. she reads my blogs and when I asked which was her favorite this was among the top. She said it resonated with her, and I can see now it is partly about her.. only I didn’t know it at the time of writing. She thinks big thoughts, loves her coffee (with thirteen sugars, so it’s not foolproof), and she can disarm me with a smile that is infectious and at times subtle. She can make me blush by looking at me while I smile. She does give me too much wine, but the headaches are managable.

I lust for, pine for, miss and love her. She can excite mind, body, and spirit. She can keep the panic attacks at bay. She is, for lack of a better description, seemingly perfect and tailor made for me alone. And I love her. She is just herself, nothing more or less, and to me that makes her even more amazing. When she opens the door for me she sort of peeks around the edge and smiles. I smile back and on occassion blush before walking into her home. The door barely has time to close before I must hold her close, kiss her check, and breathe her in.

And here i am writing about her even more. I apologize for the lack of else to say, but do not apologize that she is one of the primary thoughts on my mind at any given time. She has shown me that hoping is okay under certain conditions. She has shown me my smile is beautiful. She has shown me I am worth loving. She has shown me I am sexy. And she did it all while I was myself. I was not Walin, only me. I was shy, scared, odd, and used a lot of big words. And she liked it. That’s not something easily found for me.

That one thing I’m good at? Still good at it. She’s good, too.

When I told her I love her, I actually said “I don’t want this to be creepy because it’s very soon, but I think I love you.” And she said “I already knew. And I think I love you too.” Don’t call it a direct quote, as my mind is fuzzy around the edges with memories and the wine wasn’t helping. A day later I said “I love you” with certainty. Apparently it was not creepy, or we’re both creepy so it cancels out, because she said she loved me too.

The best night we’ve had together was spent in bed, cuddling, watching Firefly. Then sex. Then more Firefly. Then more sex. Mostly it was the cuddling, though. I dozed off with her in my arms and upon waking each time she was still there holding just as tightly.

And so, I am in love and it is real. It is not one sided, or out of desperation and loneliness, or just a hope for the future. It is reality, and I’m experiencing one day at a time. And I like it that way. Love it that way. I love Love. And all of this was just a longwinded way to say, I love you, Love. I want to keep you as long as possible.

Sorry to bore anyone again.



  1. How is it that you have a way of making me smack my forehead and think “awwww” at the same time? Now that you have something great going for you, don’t forget to use that strength to pick yourself up in the rest of the areas of your life.

  2. It’s because I’m The Walin, you know. There may be other Walins out there, but I’m THE Walin.

    I’m trying to figure out the rest of my life. Falling in love was the easy part.

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