a day off, at last

March 13, 2008

It seems the last day off I had was an eternity ago. Maybe I can get some packing done, though if the weather’s nice enough I’m thinking me and my son will go to the park. Last year in the spring we could be found there every day. He would play and I would play my guitar. There was something very nice about it all. Maybe a slice of a dream I had once. This year will likely go much the same. Sometimes it’s nice to do the same thing every day.

It’s very hard to beat the spring and fall here. Summers are hot and muggy, winters can be cold and harsh, but spring and fall are damned near perfect. If I could pick a day to live forever like Groundhog’s Day it would be one of those, they’re so nice. Spring is light and breezy and green and sunny. Fall is chilly and red and orange and makes me feel like I can do anything.

I hate that I have a second job this year. It means less days we can go to the park, and that is just a bad thing.

Talking with the ex yesterday I jokingly said if she ever left her BF (downgraded from Fiance for the moment) she should call me and we can get dinner and a movie. Me, her, and our son. As the family I still think of us as being, despite the situation. That is important to me, being a family and doing things as a family. I want our son to see what a loving family is like. See what I didn’t get to. My dad’s father was abusive and mother a drunk, so he had a bad model to go by, though he was neither of those things. He was the bread winner and not much more. We still aren’t close, and never will be, and I have forced myself to accept that. What I will not accept is my son feeling the same way.

As much as I want it for him, I suppose it’s for myself too.


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