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things left behind

December 31, 2007

I was rereading old messages from LA (no, I haven’t deleted those yet) and I realized I had everything backward. I tend to think of people in terms of the pieces of myself they take with them. Always is there some of my heart dedicated to them. LA, my ex, and my son in particular. But I am wrong. It’s not about what they take away it’s what they leave behind.

These messages are part of what LA left with me. They are memories, every one of them. Memories of times shared and memories of the emotions you felt. It does balance out, in the end. My ex left me with a bit of her heart and a son I cherish. She also left me with depression (the gift that keeps on giving) but that’s not a bad thing.

Almost three years later, I’ve shed that coat. I no longer wear that grayness like a funeral shroud. It has been cast aside giving way to the colors of strength I shine from within. In the end, that’s what she helped give me. LA helped peel back the veil, but ultimately (as with many such things) it was up to me to throw it to the mud and carry on without it.

So in this year I want to thank the both of them for helping me help myself, even if the way was long and difficult. You’ve left me with more than I had when you found me. Thank you.

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