October 29, 2007

I toy with the idea of faith and religion and all that ‘Have you found Jesus’ stuff more often than people realize. While I don’t have the worst life imagineable, it’s not always a cake walk. But really, it comes down to prayer I think.

Praying is a wholly selfish act. What do most people pray for? Insight, wealth, health, and a any number of things that really only affect that person. On occassion it has helped, but that may be more because of focus instead of divine intervention.

The biggest reason I, and probably many others, don’t buy into it all is because of one word. Why. Why do bad things happen to good people? Why is there war? Why is there pain? Why doesn’t God seem to care about all of that? Why do we have to deal with pain and suffering if God is all powerful and all loving? Again, all selfish reasons, really.

I struggle with the idea of death on a regular basis. What happens after that? Is there a heaven? Hell? Do we simply cease to be? What is the point of it all? Frankly it has caused many panic attacks, and I’m on the verge of one just now. But I can’t just believe in the hereafter.

I’d like to think all it would take is belief to make my life easier to handle. I’ve been told by the ex it all happens for a reason, god is testing you, and various things meaning the same thing. But it never seems to end. The big bad things are easy to handle, it’s the little annoyances that really get to me. It’s almost like god has a big sense of humour, and the funniest thing is annoying people with things that don’t matter but are stressful just the same.

I just don’t think I can go to a church and feel enlightened, saved, or even slightly okay with how things are in the world. God, where are you?



  1. http://www.youtube.com/user/obscurevisions
    You should check this girl out, she’s incredibly cool for a nineteen-year-old, this post reminded me of her. She likes to study different faiths in her spare time and her videos are pretty damn interesting.
    As far as faith goes, I’m Agnostic. I spent thirteen years getting Christianity shoved down my throat. Which, sadly, has given me a very biased view on Christians. I’ve seen so many more bad sides of Christians than I have good. I have no qualms with any faith, so long as they aren’t forced upon me or anybody else who deoon’t want to hear.

  2. I identify agnostic as well, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to believe.

  3. I’m agnostic. I think its possible god exists. I also think its equally possible that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy exist.

  4. Organized religion was created so ambitious men could take advantage of humanity’s need to belong and believe in something.

  5. I agree to the thoughts on organized religion. Which is a big reason I don’t go to church. But this is the fundamental core belief of ‘God’ that is at the heart of it all, beyond stories of Jesus, the Pope, and all that a church structure means.

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