what is love? (baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more)

October 5, 2007

It has occurred to me that everything we expect out of love comes from films about love. That love is a lie.

It doesn’t last beyond this mortal coil to drag your loved one back in spirit form.
You won’t bump heads with a person after they accidentally knock shit out of your hands and help you pick it up.
You won’t find love at first sight.
You will not have a happy relationship 24/7.
If you cheat on someone they will not take you back if you camp out on their porch for a month.

None of that is real. But if that’s not, what is? I seriously wonder, because I have no idea how people meet. The Ex and I met in high school, she was aggressive and asked me over for a party, I stayed at her place for a week (parents out of town), and we were together for the next 8 years. Was it a particularly romantic start? Not really. It just was.

LA was a complete fluke, as well. We just happened to be in a guild on Warcraft together, became friendly and a little flirty, I charmed the pants off her (literally), and then it was done in record time of a few months. Intense yes, a little romantic (moonlit walks on the beach, people), but overall not anything all that interesting in my opinion.

But while I care for them both greatly I don’t think I’ll be coming back from the dead for either of them (Sorry ex, just being honest). Certainly neither of them would be doing that for me. If the ex leaves her fiance for whatever reason, I doubt we’d be back together in something like what we had. Contrary to popular belief (including my own) I just don’t think I could do that. I would certainly tap it again, though.

I want someone to cuddle on the couch with, miss when they’re gone, and be insanely lustful for at the simplest touch. To me, that’s love. If I want to hold you while we watch TV, it’s love. If I want to hear your voice when you’re away, it’s love. If I want nothing more than to rip your clothes off because of a simple kiss, that is love. That’s just me and my perception. Going on those rules I have loved two people in my life romantically.

My heart soars when LA calls me, and hearing her voice makes me wistful at times. Seeing the ex makes me want to hold her, holding her makes me want to… well, you get the idea. Even after all the time that passes between holdings/phone calls the effects do not diminish. You cannot convince me it all means nothing.

The old fuck buddy garnered not those feelings. I wanted her for sex and sex alone. My heart did not rise, my urge wasn’t to hold her, I just needed sexual gratification. The difference is painfully clear.

So that’s love to me. It’s when no matter what happens, no matter how long it’s been since you last saw, no matter if the world is burning around you, all you want to do is hear, touch, and see whoever that person is.



  1. I’ll hold you. Tenderly.

  2. A new challenger has arrived! Be still, my heart.

  3. Seriously, I’m secure enough to cuddle with another dude. Lets make it happen.

  4. I bet Josy likes to watch.

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