paychecks, pcs, and and promotions

September 7, 2007

Well, not really promotions. Sasquatch is starting first shift on Monday. This is a good thing, as it will open up the nights for Sasquatch, Particleboy, and myself to actually do things together easily. As far as band work, it’s even better since we’ll all be on the same schedule, sort of. Sort of, because I do still have that Kroger job, meaning I am the odd one out again. That sucks a lot, because I really want to get this band thing going. It’s fun, creative, and gives us all something to do. Such is life.

My PC is fixed. I don’t know what the problem was, but ultimately I had to power down completely, remove the MoBo battery, and reset the BIOS that way. At least I think that’s what I did. No matter, since it seems to have worked for now. It does not erase the need for a new computer, though. Someday….

And paychecks… I’m pissed at Kroger. I go to get my paycheck, thinking I would be able to get a haircut last night and reinstate my car insurance. They weren’t there, and won’t be until noon today. Means I’m completely broke for another day. Not completely, I suppose, since I do have about 2 dollars in the bank, but for all intents and purposes I have no money. I work a shit job for shit wages. At least pay me when you say you will, bastards. The ex was less than sympathetic about it all, but I won’t get into why and why I think it’s bullshit. Particleboy has heard it, and generally agrees with me, as would just about anyone (excepting the ex, of course).

In happier news, my son is now peeing standing up. It’s strange how things like that are cause for celebration, praise, and tears. Yes, I nearly cried about it, because he’s growing up too fast. I feel like I’m barely keeping up with him. I miss so much because of not living with him or work. First steps, first crawling, and peeing standing up for the very first time are missed because of late hours, long hours, or just being absent. At least I get to see it all at some point. And as much as I complain about it, the breakup has made more attentive, a better father, and more appreciative of the time I do have with him. I really can’t say if at this point I would be the same if we were all one big happy family still. I’d like to think so.



  1. You seriously get on my last nerve! Like I give a crap what “Particleboy” thinks about me or how much he agrees with you. You always make yourself into the victim anyway! And of course he would agree with you when you owe him money.

    Does he know that you haven’t paid a single penny of child support in at least 9 MONTHS???? Does he know that your priorities range from making sure he gets paid back, to getting yourself a new computer, to having money in your savings so you can afford your daily dose of Starbucks, Qdoba, cigarettes, etc.? Does he also know that you got this second job because you couldn’t afford your bills. None of which has a damn thing to do with our son.

    But, yeah…you’re a better father now.

    So when you tell me that your paycheck will be delayed one day and that you will, once again, not be giving your son a single dime of that check…no, I don’t feel bad for you in the least. I’m sick and tired of feeling bad for you. I’m sick and tired of your lame excuses. I’m sick and tired of you!

    If I would have done what everyone has urged for the past 2 1/2 years and taken you to court, you would have had no choice but to pay…or you would be in jail right now. I can’t bring myself to do that. I have felt so sorry for you. Guess what? I’m so over it! I don’t feel bad anymore. AND…if you care so little that you don’t see this as necessary or important, then shove off. We’ve made it this far, no thanks to you…we will keep on truckin’.

  2. It’s not about being a victim, it’s about your only real concern seeming to be when I can give you money. It’s about trying to make my shit work, so I can live up to my responsibilities. ALL my responsibilities. Especially to you and our son. But that takes getting in the right direction (which I am doing) and time.

    I don’t need or want you to feel bad for me. I need you to be a cheerleader, encouraging me to fight through the long days, sleepless nights, and general miserableness that is my life right now. When I get done I need you to yell out ‘If Wailin can’t do it, noone can!’ I need moral support, more than anything in the world, because it’s not so bad when you’re not on your own. You hear me every day say I don’t want to go to Kroger’s, but I go because you’re reminding me I don’t have to do it forever and things will be better for all of us in the end really does help. That little bit works with me instead of against me, and it makes a big difference.

    I do feel bad for you, because you take one sentence and blow it up and put words in my mouth because you make assumptions. What did I tell you just the other day? Next week, you will get money. I didn’t say I hope, or I think, or will try. I said WILL. I do my best to not take that word lightly. In the meantime, is it so bad for me to enjoy life a little and visit Qdoba once every two weeks? Hell, I’ve lived mainly off of bologna sandwiches for weeks.

  3. The money that you never give me isn’t for me…don’t you get that? It is for clothes, food, college savings for our son. I would never in a million years take your money and treat myself to something and you know that! But if I did, it would still be appropriate since I support him 100%.

    I have ALWAYS been your cheerleader with absolutely nothing reciprocated EVER. That is why I am so sick of it all.

    Our son should be in Pre-K right now. He should be surrounded by children his age, learning things that 4 1/2 year old children need to learn prior to kindergarten. Unfortunately, that takes a lot of money. I refuse to stick him in some shit-hole daycare. The good ones cost more than I can afford right now. Hopefully that will change soon as business, God willing, picks up. But you haven’t ever made it your priority to make sure you can help with that expense. I don’t want all of your money. I don’t want half of your money. To be quite honest, I don’t want any of your money. I just want our son to have the life he deserves. He is such an awesome kid! The most amazing, gorgeous, loving, funny child I have ever known and I am so blessed that he is mine. That is why I work my ass off to hopefully someday give him a great life! He deserves a GREAT education, not an average one. He deserves a GREAT parental unit, not an average one. He deserves all of the things that you and I never got growing up. If I can’t do that for him, I have failed. I refuse to allow that to happen. That is why I refuse to settle for mediocre. I wish you felt the same.

    Finally, I don’t think you should deprive yourself of frivolous treats every now and then. I do think you need to have things that you enjoy once in a while so that life doesn’t completely bore you. However, when it has been 9+ months since you have given a penny to our son, it bothers me to know that you spend money all over town on bullshit. Would it kill you to hand him a $10 or $20 bill once in a while for him to put in his piggy bank? You won’t because you would rather spend that on your bass or acoustic guitar, or fast food, or Starbucks, or whatever. That is my point. Put yourself in my position for one second instead of constantly wanting me to put myself in yours.

  4. I have put myself in your position as much as I can, want the same things you do, and want for him the same things. But I have to get my shit together again before I can do that. It’s not an easy thing to do. I get no bailouts or help, that’s why it takes so long. Finally out of the depression I am doing all I can to make that happen. I can’t give what I don’t have, and making my situation worse to do that doesn’t get me out

    As far as reciprocating, I do it as much as I can, but you don’t really tell me anything. I let you know I’m here for anything I can give. You choose not to use that most of the time.

  5. I don’t tell you anything anymore because you always have a nasty, half-witted, negative comment to make, no matter what the conversation. It’s rude and I don’t appreciate it. I would be a complete fool to continue to open up to you.

  6. You’d be surprised how often being a complete fool pays off, and in ways you never expected.

  7. I’m not really into getting between you guys and your personal business. I don’t feel it is my place to be there and I will continue to stay out of it.

    The only thing I have to say “The Ex” is that I have never had or said negative things about you. I have had the utmost respect for you and if you ask Wailin I have said otherwise.

    About me being friendly to Wailin because he owes me money. I have called Wailin out on things I have felt he was wrong about but I won’t hold that over his head(this is not a knock on you so please don’t take it as such). I know he has other things he has to take care of like your son and I never put a time limit on when he can pay me back. Hell i’m paying right now for a place for my sister and her family to live the money i have given to Wailin is the least of my worries.

    Now I’m exiting this conversation as I should. I can’t bash Wailin or you for anything because the truth is noone’s opinion matters but yours and his. Other people who give advice in these situations only try to put themselves in your shoes and speak as if that is enough to know what they are talking about. I don’t so I can’t.

    Wailin is like a brother to me and I have the utmost respect for you. I agree your son is a cool little guy.

  8. Edited names out of that, and unmarked it as spam.

    PB never has said a bad thing about you, and never gives advice, just a willing ear. Sometimes that’s all you need. I will get you both paid ASAP. Just takes a little time.

    And yeah, I love you both… but not in a gay way, PB. Okay, maybe a little.

  9. “Particleboy” is a sweet guy and I appreciate it! I was only concerned that “Wailin” has been using the “bullshit feeding tube” to make others feel bad for him, once again. Nobody hears my side and it gets old.

    I’m cool. I can’t stress about this right now. I got audited today for the first time ever and I may have to pay a LOT of money in fines because the umbrella under which I do mortgages completely screwed up with information they gave me and other local branches. I could seriously cut my wrists right now. OK, not seriously. But I do want to vommit!

    I’m getting out of this line of work. I can’t stand it anymore. I have a former client who is unable to pay her mortgage and is getting ready to go into foreclosure, and for some reason I feel responsible for it! I can’t sleep, I hardly eat… This isn’t worth it anymore!

    “The Ex” out!!!!!!!!!!!!

  10. You spelled vomit incorrectly, sweetness.

    Don’t hold yourself responsible for her inability to pay, because she screwed up not you. I know what will help. Comfort food. The Chef at Kroger made some loaded potato salad. That stuff is awesome! I suggest it.

  11. Yes, I want more of that loaded potato salad!!! It was freakin’ awesome! Did you ever try it heated up? Sooo awesome.

    I usually spell pretty well, so shut it!

  12. Yeah, it was really good warmed up.

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