wailin: the musical

August 20, 2007

You know, sometimes I’m sitting around and it creeps up on me. What if my life was a musical? I was in the grocery store the other day and just walking down the aisles. But what if my life was a musical?

I’d enter the store and the music would slowly ramp up. The greeter would say hello with a verse and a dance. Another employee would ride up on and give me a cart, jazz hands shaking in the air while she pranced away. I would start my walk down the main aisle, random shoppers gathering behind me in formation, singing my shopping list.

I would be swarmed when I entered to aisle for toilet paper, people dancing and tossing around the paper towels, sanitary napkins, and TP itself. The next aisle has cleaning supplies, and a group of employees would dance/mop their way from the far end to me, my entourage of singing consumers crying out in unision about the disinfectant powers of Clorox bleach and Lysol.

Heading for the coffee I would enter the aisle at the same time as my rival, some nameless guy, followed by his own backup dancers. We would both spy the last bag of whole bean Starbucks coffee on the shelf. Eyes narrowed we would abandon our carts and dance at one another, all snapping fingers and hopping til we met in the middle, where we would each be handed a plastic knife from the food court with which to battle. I would jab, and he’d dance aside. He would slash, but I would hop over it. Our respective gangs would sing and dance and hop and shake their fists at each other until I disarmed my opponent and snagged the coffee for myself.

Victorious, employees and my gang (we would be the Jets) would raise their hands in a cacophony of celebration before hoisting me on their shoulders as the king of this grocery kingdom. Carried to the register I would have my solo. It would tell of who I was still lonely, despite being dominant customer.

As I scanned my groceries (the cart mysteriously travelling along) I would catch eyes with the cashier. We would gaze longingly a moment while the lights faded until we were the only ones visible in a spotlight from god himself.

We would reach across the conveyor belt, hands clenched together. I would ask her if she wanted to go out on a date, but she would turn away all teary eyed, for much as she wanted it could not be. Our worlds, that of customer and employee, are not meant to collide. The Company has forbidden such things. I would grab her shoulders and twist her to face me, I would tell her how I didn’t care about that, only her. She would sing more misgivings, I my devotion, our lips coming closer and closer as the song’s climax neared. But a third spotlight would flash on, revealing a pissed off regional manager.

We would clasp hands to run away, but more lights would show a line of assitant managers blocking our path. The Regional Manager would begin his song, a low toned verse of anger as he slowly approached, a line of more assistants behind him. To the left our way would be blocked, and again to the right, the line of managers slowly closing in, the regional manager’s song reaching the high point, my arms restrained by the henchmen, when she, my cashier love, would yell “STOP!”.

All would be quiet while she sang. She would give herself up, if only I would be freed. More cashiers would come out as backup singers, slowly closing around her, hiding her from view. The last note sung, they would dance off into the darkness and my love would be gone.

The regional manager would order me released, but I would only sing a sad song for my lost cashier while I put my bags in my cart. Accompanied by fellow customers, I would exit the store. A voice would ring out to me, and when I looked up it would be my love. She quit her job so we could be together, and we would embrace before the crowd broke into happy music. A car would stop for us, we’d climb in and as the car drove away you’d see us kiss through the rear window.

Yeah, I have an active imagination and too much time on my hands.


One comment

  1. As I started reading this, iTunes shuffle decided to pick “Dancing With Myself” by Billy Idol to start playing for me, lol

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