i’m not depressed

June 20, 2007

“Really, I’m not. I’m just bored.” I actually had to tell that to someone yesterday. I asked a question a little more than “How ya doin?” and less heavy than “Do you believe in God?” And suddenly it’s “I get the feeling you’re having a down day.” Pffft. When I have a down day you don’t realize for a few because you won’t even hear from me. I suck it up, bring it inside, and let it fester till it rots away to nothingness. I try not to share, except with the ex. Not that it matters much, but I’m better at that now than ever before. Sharing and caring was never a strong point for me.

I am truly very bored. Bass gone, games I’ve played a thousand times, no money to go out, and nothing much to say. I did ask the chick I’m talking to if she’d like to maybe get together for a night out when she returns from a trip. She said maybe. Maybe? Honestly, it’s a damn yes or no question. Aggravating as hell, but not depressing.

If you haven’t done it before flip over to Charming. She usually writes well and is entertaining, but the last few posts were particularly heartfelt.

I changed the last bit I wrote for the Crimson Elevator. It was feeling too easy. I still hope to keep up with it.

I have no cigarettes.

I didn’t eat breakfast and left lunch at home. Gonna be a long day.

I woke up at midnight tonight, and for some reason thought I was running late to work. I woke up, dressed, and was leaving my house before I realized my mistake. Luckily I didn’t make it to the car.

I miss LA, but she’s gone forever I believe.

If you’re bored than your boring… Yeah, that’s me all over.



  1. Walin…

    I tried to tell you. All that you are sacrificing for your son is noble, however, if you don’t give something to yourself, what kind of person are you going to be? Not a happy one. I splurge on one thing for myself. That is games. And, when I buy a game, it lasts me a long long time. I’m not saying come back to playing a game. LOTRO is boring now… but

    you have to have something. Surely your ex has enough heart to know that…

  2. Me cutting back really isn’t her fault or her wishes. It’s a necessity at this point. I shouldn’t be this difficult to entertain, honestly. lol Sorry there really wasn’t any warning about leaving LOTRO either. Had to cancel that before I was charged to avoid overdraft fees.

    My financial situation is my own, and while I can completely blame the ex it would be a stretch to say “None of this would have happened if you’d have stayed with me.” True? Possibly, but a stretch nonetheless.

    She probably doesn’t really understand it. No matter how many times I tell her, she never will. She hasn’t been alone in years. Not really alone, anyways. And I haven’t exactly had an easy time of things at all. Such is life.

    As soon as I can afford it again, I am getting the bass back. Nuff said. I enjoyed it too much not to.

  3. well thank god! (about getting your bass back)

    no worries on lotro. Right now, I’m just doing PVP only, until my sub is up, (about 5 days now.) I MIGHT resub for another month, but only because I’m actually having a lot of fun doing pvp.

  4. The PvMP was pretty cool, from what I played. Just need something to play. I did find out I can run Half-Life 2 on my computer rather well, so I might pick it up since it has a budget price of $20. The Zero Point Energy gun makes me moist.

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