i hate saying i’m sorry

May 23, 2007

But I’m man enough to know when I should. I said some things to the ex yesterday I shouldn’t have. Remember me saying I was irritable? She can confirm it, and more. The thing is, I’m not apologizing for saying things I don’t mean. Just for saying them to her. I meant almost every word.

“What could you say that’s so bad?” you may be wondering. I wish physical harm on her fiance. And I mean it. I want him to get in a car crash and be severely injured. Perhaps receive brain damage. But not die, because I’m not that bad of a person. The injury wishes are bad enough, and are vindictive as hell, but I don’t really care. I mean every word. She wonders why I despise and blame him so much for everything, and truthfully she is right. If anyone deserves it it’s her. But I can’t bring myself to wish her anything but good. While the fiance being harmed severely would bring her pain, she would get over it. Upon telling her she would, in fact, get over it “like she did me” she promptly replied “it would be different”. Ever the self hating antagonist I asked if the difference would be love. She didn’t say anything. Things escalated a bit, but evenetually she left.

She is likely still angry, which I can’t blame her for, but I did apologize later. Not because I said something I didn’t mean, simply because I said what I really think because I was irritable that day.

I’ve never claimed to be perfect. I’m not that stupid.


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