virginia tech shooting

April 17, 2007

I think I should say something about this, but mostly about mysefla dn how it makes me feel.

My condolences go out to the families. I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose somebody, particularly to such violence, but hope they get along well. My grandparents died in a very violent event, but I was too little to remember anything. I can’t offer advice on this, but I can offer my thoughts.

Now to my feelings on this. I feel nothing much. I feel bad for not feeling bad about it. Perhaps this takes further explanation though. At my job I watch the news. I watch at least 7 hours of news a night, sometimes more. It’s what I do five days a week. I see big events like this, but I also see every day the little events. The children killed, women raped, kidnappings, robberies, so much pain and evil in the world. I had to put up a defense against this. I no longer feel for these people who suffer. I can’t afford to. If I let everything get to me, if I felt for every person I  heard about dying I would go insane. It’s not that I don’t care, but I can’t.

I was here on the anniversary of 9-11 as well. If there was a day I cried at work that was it. If there was a day I was depressed because of my job, that was it. That was also the day I decided I couldn’t empathize with so many people at the cost of myself. It sounds bad, but in my shoes what more can I do? I have lost faith in the goodness of people. It truly isn’t because I don’t, but because I can’t feel any worse about it. I do hate myself for that, if it helps.

I hope everyone finds a way to deal with this and heal. Now its all that can be done, and I’m sure the departed would want it that way. I know I would.


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