New Year

2007 is ticking down, draining away through the hole in the top of the hourglass, specks and motes of sand pushing, shoving, and racing their way to the past. At midnight it will be upturned by our collective conciousness, a reset button being pressed to start the year again in our minds. We act like it’s a new beginning, but time just presses onward whether we upgrade that digit from 7 to 8 or not.

Perhaps that’s a bit dark and morbid, even for me. Perhaps it’s because the last month or so have seen me accept and fear the truth of my own mortality. A concept we all know is there, but perhaps don’t hold close to our hearts. It sits in mine at the moment, and that is not good either. But enough of this dullness. There is light on the other side of the grays.

The coming year is both terrifying and exciting for me. Another year is down, but when we hit that mental reset button we also give ourselves a fresh beginning of a sort. Last year was lackluster, not really bad but not really good. It just was. I told people that this was my year. My year to be selfish. A year to be a dick without remorse. A year to be free to be me, whatever that may mean. Thus I lived it, as my ex can attest. But something happened along the way. I began to care.

Much like the Grinch, I think something inside me grew several sizes to become overinflated. In a year I told myself I would not care, I began to more than before. I took what was left and built myself back up some, found some of the springs that flew off into the corners, under the couch, and behind the bookcase. I placed them back with care where they seemed to fit. For the most part I am back to myself before the breakup with the ex, nearly three years ago. Only better.

What about the new year? I’ve gained myself and a little more in the last year, but the new year means I need something new to strive for. Charming listed her resolutions, an activity I truly shun because life’s a little more complicated than that, but maybe that’s what I need. I received unexpected results this year, so maybe shooting for more can be fruitful this go around.

Mostly I think I need to find more time. I have so much I want to do but time is not on my side. Between two jobs and a son it’s hard to make time for what is slowly growing into a social life and possible band. We may actually have a drummer now, so we just need talent. Be ready for news of Sassy and the Whiners.

On Sassy and the Whiners, my stage name is already known by you all. Walin. Kirk wants to be Captain (though I think the Star Trek reference is a bit nerdy even for me), Nate will be Sassy, and the I can’t remember the drummer’s, because I haven’t actually met him yet. Hopefully tonight he will show up at Hero’s.

Nate is working at Hero’s as a server and wants company for New Year’s Eve. They have a drink special and probably karaoke. I’m going to at least drop in to say hello and Kirk may show up with drummer in tow. Will be a good chance to see if we can all mesh in a nonwork environment, which is key to being in a band of course.

I want to be able to quit one of my jobs soon to make time for all of this and other things, like more Daddy/son time. I have watched my daddyness grow and get better. I fully expect a coffee mug that says ‘#1 Dad’ for my birthday, because that’s what I am. The best dad ever, and getting better every day. I know this because my son loves me and wants to spend as much time with me as possible. Of course, there’s room for improvement in everything. I think I could lead a healthier lifestyle as an example for him. A cleaner one. Show him it’s not okay to leave things lying around on the floor. I think that’s what I what him to learn this year. That and the harmonica.

My own area for biggest improvement is again the above. A healthier lifestyle. If you don’t have your health, what have you got? More than likely I won’t quit smoking this year, but I can stand to lose a little weight and gain some muscle. I need that skinny emo look for the band anyways. Dan swears by insomnia, but seriously I couldn’t handle that. I’m only half crazy these days and I’d like to keep it that way.

So my goals for the year…

• Be a better father.
• Get a little healthier.
• Make time for everything that keeps me sane.

Hope that all works out well. Happy new year for you all, and I hope you find good things in 2008.