a sight most strange

I walked out of the office for my 7 AM cigarette today as usual, and on the way out my dad came from the other office. No eye contact, no words, nothing. I walked down the steps, he behind, and my former roommate beside me. We get outside and the old man followed still. As I lit my cancer stick I look over to see my dad doing the same.

That is something I haven’t seen in at least 15 years. He quit smoking while we lived in Key West, FL. His health problems, then only beginning to rear their heads, caused this. I guarantee these problems have only worsened over time, a fault all his own, and today I see that. I worry about why he would start again. I am conflicted now.

I left the ball in his hands and walked away from the game. The shot is his to take without me in his way. A free throw to try and salvage whatever kind of relationship we had. He is still standing there, ball in hand, and sitting on the sidelines I can’t help but want to tell him to just take the shot already.

I am an asshole. I always have been. But underneath that outer skin is empathy and kindness not all take the time to notice. That means I care enough to worry, but am stubborn enough to remain seated. This new development makes that harder to do.

Do I stick to my guns and say nothing or give in to my concerns and steal the ball? All of this on another morning led by restless sleep of disturbing dreams. Am I wrong for being stubborn?

On a side note, I failed at fried chicken.