what dreams have come

What dreams have come of late have been painful and/or confusing. I dreamt of happier times. Times with LA and the Ex. I dreamt, possibly, of something I wanted that never came to pass and likely never will. Friends and lovers haunted me.

I don’t know why I dreamt these things. I haven’t felt particularly lonely. I haven’t thought too much on these people and experiences with them. My vacation was filled with anime, American Gothic, and my guitar as I tried to create something resembling music. And yet, still they came to disturb my sleep. Even then can I have no peace?

Perhaps it’s because of my song. It is not anywhere near completion, but I have a good start. It started as Wailin’s Blues, but it didn’t sound right. Changes were made, the song sped up, and now I know what it is. It is a song about LA. Slowly, it dawned on me that that’s what I am creating and I plan to finish it that way.

No, she is not gone from my mind or heart. Daily I think of her at least once. I struggle to not call her sometimes, though I doubt she’d answer if I did. Sad, even to me.

Another was of sex with someone I have lusted for in the past. Never to act upon, only to wonder, this dream crept up on me unexpectedly as this is someone I haven’t seen or talked to in person for a long while now. While I appreciate the dream (might as well get satisfaction in my dreams if not in real life) it was honestly a bit puzzling. Such is life.

I have been plagued with nightmares of late, bringing restless nights and tired days. It has been a long while since I’ve truly has them. I must wonder, again, why they come now.

To top is off, after waking from that particular dream I prepared for work and left my home. The air was cool and crisp this morn, reminding me again of things not thought about in a long time. A few degrees cooler and it would be LA, but that is not of which I thought first. I thought of Disney World.

The weather the morning my dad, brother, and myself left for Disney World  was much the same. Every fall when the air turns thusly I remember that day and a lust for adventure fills me. On those days, I feel I must leave to find a dragon to slay, princess to rescue, or dig up a pirate’s treasure. When I eventually take my own son on an adventure to Disney World or other parts unknown to him it will be on a day when the air bites at you enough to make your skin tingle with excitement and your mind to wander. The effect only lasts a few hours, but can be had many days. It is quite intoxicating to feel that good.

My internet is still off at home. My phone is unpaid and unworking. I can’t afford my car insurance or payment this month. But I don’t care, because my blood sings of worlds fantastic and unreal today. It will be a good day.